


That one thing was you

by darkstrangeson



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: I had two people proof this so I hope it’s good, M/M, Some freaking fluff for ya, Suicide Attempt, Trans! Evan Hansen, bisexual! Connor Murphy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2020-08-20 01:54:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20219845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkstrangeson/pseuds/darkstrangeson
Summary: No summary





	1. All I see is sky

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: 
> 
> Suicide attempt 
> 
> Also this is a prologue  
Will be updating Wednesday and Friday

I keep my eyes on the sky, inhaling the amazing forest air for what I hope is the last time.  
I feel the sharp pain of the ground hitting my back and my arm starts throbbing. I pick my head up a bit, and see no one.  
And all I see is sky.  
After a few moments I sink into the realization that no, nobody’s going to help me whatsoever, and that I might as well just stay here because why would I do anything different?  
I hear quick movement towards me, the twigs snapping under their weight.  
“Are you ok?” I hear the figure yell.  
“No.” I muster. “I think I broke my arm.”  
I feel a pair of gangly arms slide my legs and back. I open my eyes and see a boy with long dark hair, and pretty green eyes.  
“Mara Hansen, right?” He asks.  
“Yeah, I’m sorry what’s your name?” I ask sheepishly.  
“Connor, Connor Murphy.”  
He smiles, for no apparent reason, and I close my eyes, inhaling the wonderful smell of the flowers and the trees, and the pain in my arm fades and dulls and everything’s ok.  
Until he drops me off at the hospital, and then the questions are coming and I have to avoid telling all the nurses (including my mom…) that I jumped to try and kill myself, and I also tell them that the person who came and got me was one of the other park rangers, and not a boy named Connor Murphy, who neither me nor my mom know.  
And that’s how my summer started.


	2. Connor

Two fairly important things happened that summer.   
Connor Murphy and I grew very close.   
And I realized that I was not in fact a girl, but a boy. I found this out during my (almost constant) internet skimming. I found out that my feelings about never feeling right in my body, and self hate where not normal and that I did in fact feel like a male.   
To my also almost constant protest my mom took me to the doctor to get me testosterone, and this chemical that gets rid of your estrogen. And I changed my name from Mara to Evan, and to my absolute delight, got a binder.   
But a few things did come along with all of that, my mom and I discovered that I have extreme social anxiety and that needed to be figured out my mom had said. So I went to a therapist, and that therapist put me on medication that mostly helps deal with it. 

But that all had to end and that brings me to now. September first, the first day of school. I’m lucky enough for my mom to let me switch schools, so nobody should know who I used to be. But of course, that doesn’t ease my anxiety.  
“Why didn’t you eat last night!” My mom says angrily as she walks into my room.   
“I wasn’t hungry.” I lie, the real reason I didn’t was I didn’t want to talk to anyone.   
“You have to eat!”   
“Well I also have to go to school or I’ll be late.”   
After I say that I pick up my backpack and slip past her out the door. 

I’m sitting on my computer friday night when I see a message from Connor.

7:01 pm Connor Murphy  
Hey so this may not be the best time but I’m kinda sorta in the hospital and I need you to call my family

My stomach drops, and my heart skips a beat. My hands fly across the letters on my phone, in a panicked daze. 

7:03 pm Evan Hansen  
Yes of course! Why are you in the hospital? Are you ok? 

7:04 pm Connor Murphy   
I think I’m ok. I tried something I should not have done and then thought about something, and I rushed to the hospital and I need my parents to sign some forms and stuff. 

I call Zoe, who’s been my friend for the better part of two years, even though before this summer I had never met Connor.   
She picks up before it can even ring.  
“Have you seen Connor? He’s been missing for hours and mom’s like really worried, and dad thinks he’s doing drugs again, and passed out somewhere.”   
I bite my nail, thinking that Cynthia’s right to be worried, and how Larry really might not be too far off.   
“He’s in the hospital, he said he did something stupid, and then thought about something which made him go to the hospital. And he needs your parents there to like sign forms and stuff.”   
I hear her do something which sounds and awful lot like someone falling off a bed.   
“MOM DAD CONNOR’S IN THE HOSPITAL, AND HE NEEDS US THERE. Hey Alana are you coming?”   
I wonder what the something could have been that made Connor rush to the hospital. It’s probably Zoe, Connor loves Zoe, like more than anything. As soon as I get off the phone with Zoe I text Connor. 

7:10 pm Evan Hansen   
Hey your parents and Zoe, and probably Alana are coming over, need me to call anyone else? 

7:13 pm Connor Murphy  
No that should be fine. 

7:15 pm Evan Hansen  
Ok well are you sure you’re ok? 

7:16 pm Connor Murphy  
Yes I’m ok, don’t worry. 

Except I do worry, and eventually I fall asleep.


	3. That one thing was you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: idk Connor talks about suicide as always tell me if I should add any tw’s

8:03 am Connor Murphy  
Hey so I need you to come to the hospital, but like I can’t explain why and I just kinda need you to come. 

My bleary eyes have to go over the message several times before my brain absorbs the information, but as soon as it does I leap out of bed, pulling on my binder, pants, shoes, and a shirt, before swallowing my anxiety medication.  
I grab my phone before running down stairs and yelling to my mom I’ll be back for dinner, before stepping out into the cold December air. 

I’m at the hospital in a little less than ten minutes.

8:21 am Evan Hansen  
Hey so I’m here, what floor do you want me to go to?

8:22 am Connor Murphy  
Go to floor six and ask for me. 

And so I do what be does, the faint smell of cleaning agents burning my nose.  
“Is Connor Murphy here?” I ask the lady at the front desk.  
“Yes he’s in room 606, just down the hall there.” She says smiling and pointing at a hall leading off from the desk.  
I half walk half run to the room and open the door, to see Connor Murphy sitting cross-legged on a bed, reading one of his favorite books (A Hitchhikers Guide The Galaxy).  
“Connor?” I ask standing in the doorway.  
“Evan!”  
“What was it you needed to tell me?”  
“I like you.”  
I can feel my face flush and my anxiety swell in my chest.  
“Oh god I’m sorry that was a bit sudden, wasn’t it?”  
I nod.  
“Ok feel no pressure to like me back it is one hundred percent ok if you don’t.”  
“No, no, no it’s fine. I-I like you too.”  
He looks a bit taken aback. “I tried to kill myself.” he blurts out.  
He sees my blank face and rushes to explain. “Which is why I’m here, and you know how I told you I thought about something that made me rush to the E.R., well that thing was you.”  
I hug him. “Are you ok?”  
He nods. “I’m fine, and other than the fact that I’m now on suicide watch, I feel alive for the first time in a long time.”  
I release him from the tight hug and sit down on a chair next to the bed.  
And for the rest of visitation hours the room fills with our quiet chatter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a new Sincerely Three fluff fic I’m working on so keep an eye out for that!
> 
> As always thanks for reading and have a nice day!!


End file.
